Holy guacamole

All this knee-jerk criticism of Primetime Minister K P Oli for offering prayers at Pashupati misses the whole point about his interpretation of dialectic materialism, the doctrine with which Marx (Karl, not Groucho) postulates a steady revolutionary progression from the primary stage of socialism, through the dictatorship of the proletariat, then on to full-blown Communism, and finally breaking the cycle of birth and rebirth through the attainment of Nirvana.

Latin American lefties must be red with jealousy that comrades in Nepal have given ‘Liberation Theology’ an entirely new meaning by cleverly combining Leninism, Stalinism, Maoism, Hoxhaism and Hinduism. In fact, unbeknownst to most of us, it seems the entire Central Committee of the Nepal Communist Party has been red on the outside and saffron on the inside all along.

Meanwhile in Heaven, The Almighty is in the horns of a dilemma. Which faction of the NCP should He side with: Oli, or Prachanda-Nepal? Which one will make Him party chair?

Having abolished the monarchy and banished the Shah god-kings for good, it is logical for Prime Minister K P Holy, as protector of the realm, to also regard himself now as an omnipotent incarnation of Comrade Vishnu.

On the other hand, PKD has had a head start with a large collection of bronze Buddhas in his Khumaltar living room. He likes to draw attention to the similarities that he bears with Siddhartha Gautam and Mahatma Gandhi. He is also known, on occasion, to worship water buffaloes on the holy banks of the Kosi in Chhatara.

If this carries on, it may just be a question of time before Comrade Awe-inspiring  starts to also sacrifice said buffaloes, as well as unastrated black goats to appease the gods. For someone who conducted human sacrifices in the past, that shouldn’t be too much of a leap.

Chairman MKN, for his part, hosted a large Moonie gathering in 2018 at Soaltee during which he partook of sacramental wine from none other than Hak Ja Han with Unified Church comrades in attendance. Nepal (the country, not the ex-PM) has been inducting new divine members to its celestial Politburo, in addition to the 33 million we already have.

Not to be outdone, x-Speaker Christian Bahadur Mahara had himself blessed by members of the Evangelical Gospel Assembly Church so he could purge himself of his sins, and perform a Second Coming.

Communists are atheists and are not supposed to believe in God, but there is nothing stopping an atheist from being God himself. But if they really want to perform miracles by turning Nepal into Singapore in the next two years as they ay they will, they will need to fall back on the opiate of the asses.

As devout disciples of Lord Mao, our comrades used to be monotheists. But since they follow Communist beliefs so religiously, it behooves them to have all bases covered.

Luckily, many NCP commissars are already named after gods:

Ishwar Pokhrel

Vishnu Poudel

Vishnu Rimal

Bidya Devi Bhandari

Bum Dev Gautam

Narayan Kazi Shrestha

Shankar Poudel

Krishna B Mahara

Ram B Thapa

Dev Gurung

Gauri Shankar Chaudary