Finally, the UN Committee for Development Policy has deemed that Nepal is now sufficiently prosperous enough to graduate from the ‘Lease-Developed Country’ status to becoming a ‘Developing Country’. Shorn of UN-ese, what this means in practical terms is that by 2026, Nepal will make a smooth transition from being a Shithole Country to a Slightly-Less Shithole Country.
This is all very good news and calls for jubilation, the government should declare a three-day national holiday so that we can all laze about and let this momentous recognition sink in: we didn’t even know we were rich!
This is also a fitting tribute to the vision and level-headedness of Nepal’s political leaders who have been so confident about the country being firmly on the path to stability and prosperity that they haven’t had to lift a finger, and therefore have all the time in the world for extra-curricular activities like trying to unceremoniously unseat each other.
The Ass’ first reaction to the news from New York about Nepal becoming a formerly-destitute nation was: “WTF?”
Why was the gobarment in such a tearing hurry to attain middle-incomehood, and loose all the privileges we had of being one of the poorest, and most photogenic, countries in the world? No more are we eligible for grants and handouts, have to work hard to improve living standards in the country, and cannot siphon off mucho moolah from development projects meant to benefit the poorest of the poor, anymore.
Actually, we should strongly object to the UN elevating Nepal to ‘Developing Country’ category in the next five years. The UN should have declared us an ‘Already-Developed Country’.
Indeed, looking at all our accomplishments to date, Nepal is at par with the industrialised world, and is eligible to become an OECD member state. Here are some indicators which have been cross-checked for veracity.
- The most vivid proof that Nepal is already an Advanced Economy is that it has a Minister of Forests who believes trees take in oxygen and emit carbon dioxide, and therefore need to be chopped down to prevent climate change. I heard him say that on YouTube.
- Nepal cannot hope to be an Even-more Industrialised Country unless we collectively increase our carbon footprint. Which is why the gobblement is bent on removing the last native forest in the eastern Tarai to build a mega-aeropolis in Nijgad just as global aviation is going belly-up. The idea is to strike while the iron is hot.
- Another proof that we will soon be overtaking Western Industrialised Countries is our speedy vaccination drive. While Europe is still struggling to inoculate the elderly, Nepal has already given bankers and journalists the jab.
- Nepal is now self-sufficient in the production of instant noodles, and is already in a position to export this staple, fortified with essential micro-nutrients, to undernourished parts of the world as a part of its ODA program.
- The discovery of 2.5kg of Uranium 238 isotope in Boudha last week means that Nepal is well on its way to secretly acquiring centrifuges to process the radioactive material into fissile U235 at its clandestine top-secret nuclear deterrent facility in Chhauni. We will soon have a stockpile of atomic bombs to add to the war-heads we already have, viz: Comrades Prachanda, Laldhoj and Badal. The next step is to develop a ballistic missile delivery system. As we have learnt from DPRK, that is what it takes to get some respect around here.
- Nepal has a Minister of Education who recently compared Prime Minister K P Oli to Pele, and said no country in the world has a head of government with four kidneys. With these super-human demi-gods leading us, our ship of state is steaming ahead gloriously towards a flotilla of icebergs.
- And this just in: Kathmandu is getting free 5G. This is final proof that we are already a Last-but-not-least Developed Country.