King of sneers - Nepali Times

RABI THAPA

Judging by the persistent lines outside the KFC/Pizza Hut complex in Darbar Marg, a full week after its pompous opening, customers are in for a special culinary treat, the likes of which has never been experienced in Nepal before. I can imagine that when McDonald's decides to usurp YacDonalds in Kagbeni (right), Thakalis and Manangis from across the Kaligandaki Valley will throng the narrow alleys of that village day in day out, braving sub-zero temperatures and snow blizzards and GLOFs. Now the word on the street is Budweiser, the self-proclaimed King of Beers, will soon be available in the Nepali market.

But the truth is, KFC does not fry up anything close to the best chicken and chips in the world ('Nobody does chicken like KFC'), nor does Pizza Hut manufacture anything that honours the pizza's proud Italian ancestry ('Now You're Eating!'). Any of the innumerable roadside tandoori joints in Nepal will best the Colonel's oil-drenched, bland, soft-boned offerings. And Pizza Hut is to pizza what Budweiser is to beer. The prospect of this last abomination has me frothing at the mouth. Practically the whole of Asia doesn't know how to make a decent beer. Now we are supposed to feel grateful that this insipid, piss-weak approximation of a lager (yes, that's you, buddy) will soon be served as a premium beverage to those who take for granted the apologetic slogans of another great pretender, Carlsberg - probably the best beer in the world.

I don't care if opening a thousand franchises of all of the above boosts the economy or creates jobs or helps us conclude the peace process. I'm not proposing we go bomb these places, or even boycott their products. But please, marketers incorporated, don't go pretending that any of these franchises exist because of the quality of their products. It's more honest, in the civilised world at least, to trumpet their value for money. But why do we seem so fascinated by fast food in Nepal?

If cheapness is not necessarily a factor in Darbar Marg - considering that holding onto the franchise entails payments of 7 crore rupees ($1 million) a year - then is it the reliable uniformity of the products, something that will become apparent once the franchises expand? Is it the efficiency of fast food, especially given plummeting service standards across our nation's restaurants? Or is it even the calorific lure of conventional, cholesterol fast food?

I'm not convinced these, or other explanations conventionally offered to explain the inexorable rise of fast food franchises, yet apply straightforwardly in Nepal. If they did, why would prosperous Nepalis visiting London or New York express a preference for, nay, insist on fast food?

Perhaps it's simply the allure of the west, an undiscriminating appreciation of everything foreign (that is unthreatening to one's values or practices), one that conflates pizza with Pizza Hut, burgers with McDonald's, fried chicken with KFC. A misconception that these low-grade franchises are indeed the pinnacle of western civilisation. Or maybe it really is something more fundamental - the discovery of the taste of fast food, in all its gory, primitive glory.

A Korean housemate of mine in England received, every three months, three square feet of home from his mother. Open sesame, and there'd be packs of cutely over-packaged Korean snacks, sweet, sour, hot, plugging the gaps between canisters of preserved foods. Fiery kimchii, scrumptious shrimps, fried fish, creations I could only dream of within the bland bounds of blighty. But what did this scion of a proud culinary tradition do while these delicacies did time at the back of the fridge? He'd boil up a frankfurter, trap it within two slices of white bread, and splurt half a bottle of ketchup onto it.

Perhaps good food is more than some can take, at least all of the time. And perhaps fast food, far from representing an unnatural devolution from the ideal of hunting and gathering all the ingredients necessary for a considered, respectful and respectable slow food experience, is actually, equally, a tribute to our roots as rather baser creatures, happy with primary colours and tastes, simpler times and tunes. If only the marketers were as honest as their customers.

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1. Raghu
Rabi bhai.. it would be a little far fetched to say, "Practically the whole of Asia doesn't know how to make a decent beer." You should try 'Beer Lao', one of the best beers you'll taste anywhere in the world. and of course, if you fancy a nice kick outta your beer come to Gurgaon and try 'Godfather 20000+' (seriously not recommended for quiet drink).

Posted on: 04 DEC 2009 | 1:17 PM NST

2. Beer Lover...
another journalism without any research...Typical Nepali Times Practically the whole of Asia doesn't know how to make a decent beer. >>>>> Excsuse me... Singha, Tiger, Asahi, Beer Lao, the list goes on.. You might call that subjective and if you want to go by sales/volume its "SNOW", Chinese beer.. And many local chang ( can be classified as beer) brewers, IMHO are world class.. Just because they are not known, "NOT BRANDED", and few journalists like you who have not acquired the local taste doesnt mean that we dont produce good beer..

Posted on: 04 DEC 2009 | 9:15 PM NST

3. observation
Excellent and insightful article. KFC is stomach-churning and greasy, and Pizza Hut is pretty much the bottom of the barrel of pizza chains. And I see no benefit economically to Nepal, except to a few wealthy folks who can buy franchises. Thinking that you're being sophisticated and Western by lining up to swallow food that, in the West, is seen as cheap, low-status, and just something to eat when nothing else is available is little different than believing the enticements of the Marlboro Man. Well, as PT Barnum said, there's a sucker born every day.

Posted on: 04 DEC 2009 | 9:22 PM NST

4. suresh
i think he is right asian don know haow to make beer i think but we have quite typical beverages like chang or soju and many more

Posted on: 05 DEC 2009 | 4:20 PM NST

5. Nabaina
Damn right Asians can't make beer... ! Even Americans can't for that matter, they are just getting up to a standard. Singha, Tiger, Beer Lao...? You call them beer? yuck yuck yuck...!

Posted on: 05 DEC 2009 | 10:52 PM NST

6. raj
You hit the nail on its head! I also ponder why there is so much fascination to these low grade franchise among affluent easterners? Here in North America, I only go to these places when I am broke and have no moneyto eat anything decent or when I am driving and there is nothing else around. When I am in Nepal, I do not miss these trans-fat- drenched-supersized calorie bombs. I miss fast-speeed internet shopping and e-bidding!

Posted on: 05 DEC 2009 | 2:20 AM NST

7. Sargam
Those caring smiles are so much agreeable and they are there for the asking. What I like most while you tuck into your meal is an ordinary Nepalese barnyard fowl or a Nepalese rooster morph herself or himself into a KFC a.k.a. Kentucky Fried Chicken with the help of a magic wand of Colonel Harland David Sanders of the USA. At least both of them enter customers' stomachs as American converts. Would his famous "finger lickin' good" recipe match the palate of the inhabitants of Nepal is quite another story. And McDonald's chicken nuggets accompanied by potato wedges fried in soybean trans fat-free oil are not bad to nibble either. But not too much after what I saw and heard of the battery chickens breeding process and also always the struggle for reducing the cost as to how they are compelled to add the chickens' skins to make the crispy wrap of those nuggets with affordable and competitive market price. Pooh! the skins of chicken that gives me the creeps. What will you do to my attempt for having six pack abs then? Everyday just three minutes of workout on the floor and a parkour of 30 minutes daily walk for heart throbbing I have been all the way preening myself on attaining six pack abs not to mention targeting to attain eight pack abs one day in future. Evidently we must suffer if we want to have smart mind in a sound body. In order to shore them up, I for one have found a secret of a recipe. In few words let me reveal it to you: Every morning let us take a solid breakfast beginning with a kiwi for vitamin C, a pot of yoghurt for calcium, a fruit, oat-flakes as porridge, a three-minute egg (optional), toast or whole wheat bread, green tea or coffee. And for lunch a sort of Spanish Gazpacho with tomato, cucumber, lemon juice, onion, leek, green or red pepper, caviar of eggplant, apple vinegar, olive oil and other seasonal vegetables available in the marketplace. That said, you have got to purchase an electrical mixture which is very practical to have it within your easy reach to make even your own cocktail juice of different fruits (everyday at least five kinds of different fruits). Out here in Europe these kinds of 'Gazpacho' are now available in small eateries jutting out over the street almost everywhere in downtown. As of now, folks have a quick bite to eat because they have hardly any extra time for eating. They have more to do with their laptops to browse or play with some unknown friend on various interactive games of Avatar during their lunch break. However, if you want to avoid having cancer don't forget to take turmeric (hardi in Nepali) in every meal, for it is proved to be one of the best anticancer agents for digestive organs. Plus daily consumption of some clove of garlic, cod-liver oil for vitamin A and D and omega 3 and 6 pills now available in every nearby Pharmacy or Mall would be much recommended for the protection of your heart, for the amelioration of your memory and acuity of vision. If you want to avoid suffering from rheumatism take chicory with your coffee each day. You have got to banish sugar and salt from your family table. Our body doesn't need fast sugar except some pinches of salt. While cooking for the family you should go for Thai way of cooking in wok ie vegetables are just half-cooked. Go for duck or chicken than mutton or other red meat because red meat does nothing good for your health. Let us be organic localvores ie local produce consumers and not carnivores. The herds of cattle create more greenhouse effect than human beings, which accumulates to damage the O3 (ozone) layer. I don't pretend to be anybody's nutritionist. I just wanted to reveal some of those things really amazing to understand for every layman. NB:Everybody says the Mexican beer 'Corona' is the best. Being amateur of good wine even though I attended one of the greatest annual festivals of beer in Munich, Germany yet I hardly developed my liking for beer.

Posted on: 06 DEC 2009 | 12:43 PM NST

8. Raghu of Perth
Hey Beer Lover, Read the Article carefully before posting comments. He is writing in support of local brands as he asks if we should be grateful that Budwiser will come to our markets.

Posted on: 08 DEC 2009 | 12:18 PM NST

9. pwas
now the ktm dwellers have the opportunity to gulp down genetically modified, hormone laden, antibiotic filled "meat". while the western world moves towards eating local and being vegetarian, such shiny shops peddle nothing more than 3rd class junk food .. yet another marlboro effect .. push the cigarettes on 3rd world with fancy ads while 1st world people stop smoking.

Posted on: 08 DEC 2009 | 3:16 AM NST