Asian Paints

It is incumbent upon us mediapersons who hold the fourth pillar of democracy, to collect cheques and maintain bank balances and hold power to account. That is why this week, we are bringing important items of news that you may have missed:

Arithmetics Banned  
BY OUR MATHEMATICAL CORRESPONDENT 
The NCP (NCP) grumblement has banned arithmetics in schools with immediate effect, since it was making children too calculating.

Arithmetic textbooks and classes will henceforth be replaced with much more useful vocational training on new subjects like: ‘How To Cheat Without Being Caught’ and ‘Career Counselling for Future Kleptocrats’.

The Ministry of Re-Education said in a statement: “We are a civilisation that invented the concept of zero, we don’t need a western curriculum. Arithmetic is obsolete anyway in the age of Samsung i-Phones.”

However, students still need to grasp their zeroes so they can accurately count kickbacks in future. Hazar: 000. Lack: 00,000. Corrode: 00,00,000. Arab: 000,000,000. Kharab: 000,000,000,000.

Civil Servants Stage Holiday 
BY OUR BUREAUCRATIC REPORTER 
The All-Over-Nepal Civil Servants Confederation stayed away from work Friday to demand that Gai Jatra be declared a nationwide holiday, and not just for the Valley.

Said an irate resident of Province 41/ 2: “What do they think, only Kathmandu has the right to mess things up? Under Federalism, all Provinces have an equal responsibility to make asses of themselves.”

Civil Servants also want forthcoming Tij festival to be a holiday also for men, and not just for women. “It is unconstitutional for holidays to have a gender bias,” said an agitated agitator.

Messi Effigy Burnt 
BY OUR POLITICAL FOOTBALL REPORTER 
Argentina fans staged a demonstration outside the Brazil Embassy in Maharajganj protesting their team’s ouster from the World Cup. They shouted slogans, and burnt an effigy of Lionel Messi at the Brazil mission because it is the closest country to Argentina with an embassy in Kathmandu.

“He let Nepal down, we just can’t tolerate it,” said the fans who blocked traffic for hours. Police said the demonstration was allowed because it was not in a Restricted Zone.

Nepal Ferry Arrives in Kolkata
Prime Minister Oli flagging off the first ferry service between Birganj and Kolkata Thursday.

The bus carrying 75 passengers was ceremonially swept away by monsoon floods, drifting down the Bagmati to enter the Ganges and finally the Hoogly, to dock at Howrah. A cheering crown welcomed the historic arrival in India of the first maritime vessel flying the Nepal flag.

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