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(READ THIS FIRST BEFORE SNEAKING
OFF TO READ THE PUNCHLINE):
An official Fact-finding Task Force has pre-tested this column on lab rats and certified that it is fit for human consumption provided it is perused before the date of expiry of the reader. However, one can’t be too careful during these perilous times, so readers are advised to wear masks and use hand sanitiser after finishing. Management is not responsible for the consequences, especially if eager readers are apprehended perusing this column in the loo, or other restricted areas where human-to-human transmission can occur. Perpetrators, if caught, will be administered 36 lashes with a wet rattan cane on each hind cheek.
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Now that we have those legal niceties out of the way which are necessary to protect our asses from being hauled over the coals (as it were) we can get down to matters of national importance that you have all been impatiently waiting for with barely-concealed boredom.
The great American philosopher, Spiderman, once said during an unguarded moment: “With absolute power comes absolute responsibility.” And that is exactly what is happening with the awesome and/or glorious Nepal Communalist Party. In the two years since it came to power, our Great Helmspersons have made the country take a dramatic turn for the better. Every day and in every way, things are getting better and better and we can say with confidence that everything is so vastly improved, and we have reached such a pinnacle of stability and posterity, that they just can’t get any better anymore. In fact, things haven’t stopped getting any better, and from here on it is going to be downhill all the way.
The grabberment is single-minded in not letting petty issues like the need to evacuate Nepali students from Wuhan, finishing Melamchi, passing the MCC, or launching nationwide health insurance, distract it from taking a Great Leap Forward with urgent reforms in the education sector like banning maths in Grades 11-12, and requiring all school buildings to be painted yellow.
Hefty new fines are in store for those who do not maintain lane discipline on streets that have truck-size craters on them.