Overachiever govt

From time to time, as our nation state marches ahead to the drumbeat of history, we have to remind ourselves of the tremendous achievements of the Communist Party of Nepal (Un-unified Marxist-Lennonist) and its steadfast adherence to the dialectical materialism as espoused by Comrades Groucho Marx and John Lennon.

Because of space limitations, we cannot go into too much detail of its accomplishments here and now, but we will continue to list its overachievements in future instalments of this column.

1. The Ministry of Foreigner’s Affairs has attended many virtual meetings with the international community for the procurement of vaccines, and has put donors on notice that Nepal will not take their promises lying down anymore — we will take it standing up with our hands outstretched. Beggars can't be choosers, but we have chosen to be beggars out of our own free will, and that choice should be universally respected.

2. The Ass has lost track of who is Nepal’s Hon’ble Foreign Minister at this particular moment in our nation’s history, but whoever it is, he seems to have put vaccine diplomacy into top gear. He has instructed Nepal’s under-graduate ambassadors and SLC-pass plenipotentiaries to launch a diplomatic offensive, which means they have to be as offensive as possible as diplomats.

3. Many may not have noticed that GONE has put itself on a war-footing to access vaccines. This means we are ready to launch a pre-emptive strike to ensure supplies from rich countries that have overdosed themselves.

4. In a major diplomatic breakthrough Nepal this week established diplomatic relations with Sierra Leone.

5. Many pooh-poohed the prime minister when he pledged to turn Nepal into Singapore within five years. He has accomplished his goal. All Nepalis have now attained the same annual per capita income as the village of Singhapur of Taplejung district. And prime minister-in-waiting Comrade Lotus Flower has clarified that when he once promised, during an unguarded moment, to make Nepal like Switzerland, he actually meant Swaziland. The error is regretted.

6.  It is unfair that the Mayor of Kathmandu Metropolitan City gets so much flak when he has been working tirelessly ever since the pandemic began to dismantle and disperse the charity organisation providing free lunches to daily wage earners. His message is clear: there is no such thing as a free lunch in the universe. And this breaking news: in another brave and audacious move a special hit squad of the KMC has risked life and limb to courageously erase a mural dedicated to Nepal’s frontline health workers at the Dilli Bazar intersection.

7. Despite being busy with matters of state, it is commendable that three years after it came to power the grabberment has solved the most pressing need this country has ever faced: providing SUVs to members of the judiciary. Who said such feats could not be accomplished in our lifetime?

8. To reassure the start-up community, the Under-Financed Ministry is preparing an Economic White Paper. It is so called because it is completely blank.