Kathmandu Top 10 City

Because of the holidays, many vitally important items of news had to be consigned to the dustbin of history because we skipped an issue last week. We repost below one story that fell between the cracks:

Kathmandu Voted Top 10 City

ATLANTA – Lonely Planet and CNN have voted Kathmandu Number 5 among Top 10 cities to visit in 2019. (I am not making this up. Google it.) Finally a piece of good news to warm our cockles as winter sets in.

But, as long-term residents of Kathmandu, we were surprised to be ranked fifth. We should have been Numero Uno. Look at all our achievements:

• Nepal posted a 4.6% growth rate in the last fiscal year. Everything grew: the deficit, the concentration of particles below 2.5 microns at Phora, the size of potholes on the Jorpati Road, and according to a news item this week in a prestigious national daily ‘The Illegal Flesh Trade Mushroomed’. (Or was it ‘The Illegal Mushroom Trade Fleshed Out”.) Whatever. Either way there was a 4.6% growth.
• We made it to the Lonely Planet list because Kathmandu offers free mud baths. Just stand on the road divider in Balkhu and wait for a 20 ton truck to rumble over the puddles, and as a premium spa customer, you will be covered from nose to toe in therapeutic clay that used to be a part of Kathmandu Valley’s prehistoric lake bed.
• Government officials in Nepal’s capital are the most relaxed in the world. They never do today what can be done the day after tomorrow.
• Nepal Telecom has some of the lowest tariffs in the world. My bill last month was zero. I couldn’t actually make any calls because the network was always busy.
• The word “no” doesn’t exist in the Nepali vocabulary. We will not refuse anything, even if we do not need it. As long as it is free.
• Visit Nepal: We Have No Secrets. In fact, it is no secret that secret talks are going on in secret at a secret venue to topple the government.
• Nepal is also the most transparent nation on Earth. We don’t even try to hide bribery any more.
• Kathmandu people are the most hygienic in the world because they keep all their orifices squeaky clean by spitting, and picking their ears and noses in public. Our friendly neighbourhood taxi driver has an ear canal that is spotless. However, the same cannot be said of the inside of his cab which has mushrooms growing out of the dashboard.