Comrade Xi, come back!

All photos: RSS

Whatever people may say from the anonymity of the Internet, Prime Minister Oily is a genius. Not only has he outsmarted everyone to take a selfie with President Xi, he also managed to give Kathmandu a miraculous facelift in four days flat by forcing the Muncipality, Roads Department, the Kathmandu Valley Urban Division to work together at gunpoint over Dasain. This is the kind of can-do attitude we need in the leadership of this country.

The cynics will quibble that only the route from the airport to Soaltee, and from Lazimpat to the Chinese Embassy were repaved and painted, but hey, at least Tin Kune got turned into a National Park with a berm, tropical palm trees and turf – a feat no elected prime minister or despot in this country has managed before. We also closed down Kathmandu airport for two days, thus saving billions on the import of aviation fuel.

The grabberment now needs to build on this accomplishment by inviting President Xi to visit Nepal every other month, and in the spirit of Nepal’s policy of neutrality and pancha shila, to also organise a state visit for Prime Minister Modi every alternate month. We can then list all the roads where potholes need to be filled, airports that need to be spruced up, cities that need facelifts and chin tucks where our Prime Minister can meet them. That way, infrastructure development is decentralised, and Nepal can take a great leap forward to stability and posterity.

For example, on his next visit President Xi could have his bilateral negotiations with his Nepali counterpart at Godavari Resort. That way the Sat Dobato-Godavari road would finally be fixed. Next month, Modi could have his retreat in Nagarkot so that the Red Rice Contractor will be forced to finally finish upgrading the road and erect Potemkin villages all along the route.

I have to admit, it would look a bit odd for Xi and Modi to keep visiting Nepal over and over again. In that case we can organise official visits for other world leaders like President Trump, who can go play golf in Gokarna so that the Chabahil-Sankhu road will finally be completed. Inviting the King of Thailand to Lumbini would be a surefire way to expedite work on Bhairawa Airport, and holding the next SAARC Summit in Pokhara might actually lead to the completion of Pokhara airport as well.

However, as we all know, state visits are expensive and we may not be able to afford so many at such frequent intervals. That is why I have come up with a cunning plan (if I may say so myself) to reduce the cost. The foreign leaders would still come to Nepal, but we wouldn’t really paint the sidewalks and erect gates and banners welcoming them.

We would just ask them to wear Virtual Reality visors while they travel through Kathmandu streets which will show them clean dust-free streets, no potholes on roads, shiny buildings, and a lush Tin Kune Park. It would leave a far better impression, and be a lot cheaper to boot.

The Ass

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