Many readers wrote in this week asking for my frank assassment of the current political imbroglio. In the nationalist interest, please find below a highly classified confidential report coded with double-end encryption of goings on in the corridors of power which are shared with you on condition that you don’t leak it to visiting foreign intelligence agency chiefs:
KPO had a secret pact with PKD to take turns being PM. Back-stabbing being the name of the game among Nepal’s rulers ever since Jang Budder, PKD harboured a sneaking suspicion that KPO had no intention of relinquishing his post. But, aware that the prime minister’s other kidney was only functioning at 30% capacity, PKD bided his time, working with BDG and MKN to needle KPO.
Behind the scenes, KPO enticed ‘Cloud Comrade’ RBT to his side against Comrade Supercalifragilistic, who then carried out a surprise queenside castling to also lure away ‘Leftist God’ BDG and ‘Jhal Gnat’ JNK and other MKN loyalists, by dangling juicy carrots. Salivating, BDG and JNK fell for it, and before he knew it, PKD was isolated. Hence his outburst last week that he should never have agreed to party unity.
While Comrade Awesome was complaining about sour grapes, KPO took to the podium in the August House (since it is, after all, already August) to declare that he was hanging on to his primordial ministership till the next elections. You should have seen PKD’s face. But later that day when word spread that KPO had to go back to Singapore to have his kidneys re-examined, there were lots of high fives at PKD’s war room in Perish Danda.
With me so far?
Our atheist comrades are now hooked to the opiate of the masses. The god-fearing Commandante Awful set the tone some years ago by worshipping a water buffalo on the holy banks of the Kosi. Now, to appease St Marx and St Engels so he can make a Second Coming, PKD should emulate KingG and do a panchabali sacrifice of five creatures: a buffalo, a sheep, a goat, a duck, and a pumpkin. The Ass hopes not to make it to that list.
PKD once performed mass yoga in the wee hours on Tundikhel, doing the anilombilom pranayam by breathing in through his rightist nostril, and expelling it through his leftist one. He also agreed with Ram Dev that animal sacrifice was barbaric, but that human sacrifice was ok.
Nowadays, if Nepal’s rulers cannot go to godmen, godmen come to them. The Sad Guru even presided over an all-party meeting at Balu Water this week ahead of Jay Shankar Bhole’s visit. The Nepal Communist Party’s transformation from Bol Bomb to Bol Bam is now complete.