Now that human beings are learning to fly again after being locked down for two years by the pandemic, we have the opportunity to re-discover the romance and thrill of swooping through the air like an eagle, a crow, or Superman.
Thanks to vaccine passports, air travel is much safer now. We now have the chance to once more relive the exoticism of airline travel, with an added sense of adventure. Rock Bottom Airlines, for example, is struggling to stay airborne through this crisis, so they have cut peanuts and Sprite on domestic flights. (Motto: “If you pay peanuts, you are a monkey.”)
The austerity measures mean you no longer get cotton ear plugs because hungry passengers have been known to eat them. Barf bags are also gone, and you can throw up into the seat pocket in front of you in case you are so inclined. In case of overbooking, the restroom cubicle has been converted into executive class with the toilet seat for one extra premium passenger.
The great thing about travelling on Air Thrombosis or Fly By Night Airlines during the pandemic is that one has to wear masks, which means one is protected from having to inhale body odours of a fellow passenger on the bulkhead aisle seat whose armpit can be detected from the cockpit.
Since the price of aviation fuel has been hiked again this week, Nepal’s domestic airlines are reducing cost by replacing turboprops with gliders. This allows airlines to cut unnecessary fuel costs, lessen cabin noise, and help Nepal become carbon neutral by 2050.
Air Hawadari, for instance, just conducted a successful Jomsom-Kathmandu test flight that had to make an emergency landing in Ulaanbaatar because of a sudden change in wind direction.
Because every second a plane is on the ground means it is not earning revenue, they have designed jets that can stay in the air longer. In fact, long haul flights now have geriatric wards since passengers will get old in-flight.
The pandemic has made life stressful, resulting in a dramatic rise in air rage. Which is why in addition to masks, it is advisable to board your next flight wearing a padded boxing headgear and a groin guard — you never know what kind of person will be sitting next to you and how they will react if you tell them they are not supposed to take the mask off while sipping their bloody mary.
Passengers arriving at Kathmandu airport these days will also have noticed the health desk where folks in PPEs will aim laser-guided thermal guns at your head. Further along, there are armed guards to apprehend any suspicious-looking microorganism trying to sneak into Nepal without filling out the CCMC form.
We must remember rude immigration officials are there for our protection — it is their job to make any spike protein feel unwelcome in Nepal. Downstairs, everyone has to go through aggressive antibody searches to see if you are trying to sneak in an imported mobile device infected with NSO spyware virus.