It is because of the Mosquito Militia’s supreme sacrifice that Nepal was never colonised by aliens. But since the eradication of malaria in the Tarai, we have no forward line of defence, and need to find new strategic depth.
Fortunately, the Nepal Army’s clandestine Bio Warfare Drone Division has lately deployed genetically-modified Aedes aegypti to inject dengue on all suspected fifth columnists in society.
They augment bio-engineered Vibrio cholerae and Giardia lamblia which have successfully blown up the gastro-intestinal tubes of Nepal’s sworn enemies.
The two bacteria have already foiled a tourist invasion of Nepal. Covertly infiltrated into the endoplastic reticulum, the germs wreak havoc on the digestive tract of potential conquerors and make them think twice about re-entering Nepal’s Toilet-Free Buffer Zone.
Advances in genetic engineering means these microorganisms can be cloned to keep Nepal’s native population safe from weapons of ass destruction.
Last week, the Minister for Tourism, Uncivil Aviation and Vermiculture bravely defended Nepal’s honour from a security guard while being finger-printed for a Canadian visa. His message was loud and clear: a Nepali will not take such insults lying down anymore, we will take it standing up with our hands outstretched. Our national slogan henceforth will be ‘Canada, Go Home! And Take Us With You On Junkets!’
The visa fracas exposed another insult to Nepal’s sovereignty: Nepali passports have to go to Delhi to be stamped. As a self-respecting oldest nation state in South Asia that was never colonised, we should retaliate.
The Department of Irritation would cancel visas on arrival and require Canadians to get their Nepali visas from Honduras. Australians will have to apply in Tonga, and Italians will have to go to the Nepal Embassy in Addis. What’s that? Nepal does not have an embassy in Addis? Good point. Serves the Italians right. And the French who want to travel to Nepal should apply in São Tomé and Príncipe.
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