Daru Pipeline

Some of you this week sent The Ass highly confidential email messages with both rear ends encrypted asking:

What is the Crown Prince of Venezuela doing in Kathmandu at this juncture in our nation’s history?

Why the hush-hush meeting between Co-Supremo Lotus Flower and the newly-appointed Intelligent-in-Chief of Uncooked?

How come Nepal and Georgia signed a no-visa agreement, and does this mean Nepalis can now land at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta and get visas on arrival?

These are all valid concerns, and my answer to the all of them has been: “Next question, please.”

This was also the week that India launched Chandrayan-2, the space probe that is lassoing itself in Earth orbit as we speak to gain escape velocity and land on the South Pole of the heavenly body.

Even though the moon is on our national flag, we in Nepal need not be overly concerned about the southern neighbour sending an unmanned lunar probe, since we have already installed manned lunatic space cadets in government.

In spite of poet laureate Laxmi Prasad Devkota’s exhortation that Nepal aim for the moon, we do not really need a lunar mission since the Baudha-Jorpati road already accurately simulates conditions on the lunar surface with more craters than on the moon’s far side. Similar to the moon, parts of Bhaisepati also never had water.

Speaking of water, although it recently declared itself dry, the Indian state of Bihar is all wet this monsoon. Ever since Nepal and Bihar established bilateral relations the two have shared cordial ties based on the age-old custom of not having customs. This has facilitated mutually beneficial two-way trade. Nepal conducts tariff-free export of gold biscuits to India, and imports Britannia Thin Arrowroot biscuits. Nepal exports oxen to West Bengal, and imports water buffaloes to meet our domestic demand for momos.

Now that the Barauni-Amlekhganj Oil Pipeline is in the pipeline, it can further enhance two-way trade. Diesel has now started being pumped to Nepal, and the pipes can be used to export the same diesel back to Bihar since there is a price differential between Nepal and India. Re-exporting imported petroleum to India can help Nepal balance its growing trade deficit, and the two-way pipeline would be much more efficient than the diesel currently being smuggled by bicycle across no-man’s land in jerkins.

Nepal can even have a trade surplus with India if we use the pipeline to send our best moonshine to bootleggers in Bihar. The beauty of it is that we don’t even need to pump the alcohol down — gravity will do it for us, thus reducing overheads.

Biharis get booze, we get gas.