Many of you have been taking the Donkey aside at various party palaces around town during this week’s mating season to ask: “Will the UML and Maoists unite?” To which my reply has consistently been: “I am an Ass, not an anal-ist.”

Indeed, one would have to be an asstrologer to accurately predict if the planets are aligned properly for the Unified Marxist Leninists to conjugate with the Maobuddies. Like some traditional arranged marriages in this country, the betrothal looks jinxed. While one neighbour is trying its best to tie the knots of holy matrimony by even paying for the dowry, the other neighbour is trying its level best to wreck the nuptials.

The crux of the biscuit, as Comrade Frank Zappa used to say, is the apostrophe. How many members from each party will be commissars in the Central Committee? Who will be Czar? Who will be the Great Helmsman? Will the united party’s symbol be the hammer and sickle, or a tipper truck and bulldozer so as to move with the times?

Comrade Awesome knows that once Comrade Oily joins Karl, Valdimir Ilyich and Mao in the great revolution in the sky, he is the only one with the stature to lead the unified party. But PKD is impatient to get there, and as a Dictator of the Proletariat he is sure Oli will stab him on the back when he (PKD) is not looking. He doesn’t believe in verbal assurances, and given past experience won’t even accept it in writing. El Commandante wants the entire Politburo to bear witness to Oli’s promise to relinquish PMship after three years and hand him party chairmanship.

Being communists, the boys are heavily into anniversaries. They had planned the party fornification on Lenin’s 138th Happy Birthday on 22 April, but a dispute over which banner to put up during the ceremony nearly reignited the insurgency. Now, they are aiming for either International Day of Workers (also known as “Mayday! Mayday!”). But at the rate things are not going, they will likely miss that deadline too. The next suitable birthday on the calendar is Uncle Karl Marx’s 200th on May 5th. Even that is too close, so the only hope is to aim for October 2nd which is Groucho Marx’s birthday, conveniently the same week as John Lennon’s. (I googled it.)
That way we can also change the united Party name to Communist Party of Nepal (Unified Groucho-Lennonists).

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