Asian Paints

A lot of important things happened in the past year that did not make it to the news pages because they were crowded out by even more important things like the state visit to India by PM Oli and the the state visit to Nepal by Her Excellency Sophia from Saudi Arabia. As a newspaper of record, it behooves the Ass to list below some news items from BS 2074 that did not see the light of day and fell between the crackpots:

Nepal No Longer Landlocked

NEW DELHI -- Thanks to timely intervention by Prime Minister Oily, Nepal is now no longer landlocked, reliable sources said. The prime ministers of India and Nepal agreed that the shoreline of the Bay of Bengal will be extended to Biratnagar so that Nepal’s merchant marine can sail the seven seas proudly flying the national double triangle flag.

Experts said their work would be greatly assisted by sea level rise caused by global warming. “If Nepal cannot go to the ocean, we will bring the ocean to Nepal,” said the expert on condition of complete animosity.

Crooks Released

NAKKHU -- Nepal’s most notorious mafia dons, smugglers and extortionists have been released from jail by the new Communistified government and are now moving around freely in broad daylight hours.

Said a grumblement minister (whose name we forget, but we can get back to you if you insist on knowing his identity): “We promised stability and prosperity, and we have fulfilled that by emptying our jails and letting the crooks loose. It should inspire confidence in investors that this administration has a decisive, can-do attitude towards law and order.”

The Golden Handshake

NEW DELHI -- Nepal-India relations reached new heights during the recent state visit by Nepal’s Shree 3 Khadga Sumshere who was accorded a guard of honour, state banquet, a 24-gun salute and a quick stop at a roadside pan pasal on his way to the airport.

But the highlight of the visit was the now iconic 23-second handshake between Prime Minister Narendra Modi and Nepal’s Roving Ambassador, Photobomber Extraordinaire and Plenipotentiary Dr Risi Hamala.

“If there is one indication that Nepal-India ties have now been restored to their age-old bonhomie it is this handshake. It said it all,” noted a member of the entourage who witnessed the handclasp at close qaurters. “We can now be sure Nepal’s sovereignty is in safe hands.”

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