As behooves the golden era of prosperity and stability with the Oligarchy at the helm, the gobblement is mulling the alteration of the names of important landmarks, streets, parks and airports around Nepal and the capital.

Obsolete place names hark back to Nepal’s feudal and autocratic past, and we need names that are more suited to these despotic times.

Although Nepal itself never had the pleasure of colonising anyone (except the recent acquisition of a suburb of Doha which we wrested from the Mallus after a brief but fierce struggle) it may be a good idea for us to follow this international trend in changing place names just for the heck of it to prove that we are not being left behind, and we are marching in goose-step with the times. 

Some gender-sensitive people have drawn the Ass’ attention to the fact that there is a male-bias in the words Himalaya and Man Sarovar, and we should start referring to the world’s greatest mountain range as Heralaya. Similarly, the holiest lake shall henceforth be renamed Person Sarovar.

After all, so many of our peaks are named after women, like Mount Annapurna, Mount Ama Dablam, and Mount Everest. Yes, I see you have raised your hand. Of course, Sir George was a guy, silly, that was just to test whether you’re still awake.

But the gender police has a point, so with permission from the Manpower Department (recently renamed Department of Horsepower) we will no longer refer to Manang and Manakamana as such in tourism brochures, but as Womanang and Humanakamana. 

There have been half-hearted attempts in our country in the past to rename towns after deceased national figures, but this campaign soon ground to a halt because we ran out of expired illustrious personages. We shouldn’t let this deter us, there are still thousands of famous people who were hale and hearty at presstime Thursday, and thousands of towns out there waiting to be renamed:

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