Broken news

Robot to Replace PM

KATHMANDU -- Nepal this week became the first country to have a robotic head of government, with Prime Minister Oli relinquishing his day-to-day duties to a silicon humanoid with artificial intelligence.

The Right Honourable Robot will at first be entrusted with simple virtual reality tasks such as cutting ribbons, lighting lamps, delivering keynote addresses, and meeting chief ministers of federal provinces. After that, the H.E. the Automaton will be given more challenging tasks like nation-building.

Since the prime minister’s first foreign visit is such a sensitive issue, Nepal will now have two identical prime ministerial robots. Which means that while one of them is on a state visit to New Delhi, the other one can be in Beijing. This way, no geopolitical feathers will be ruffled, and Nepal can keep both neighbours happy, sources said.

Tankers On Strike

HETAUDA -- Tankers ferrying petroleum products from Raxaul to Kathmandu have gone on an indefinite strike demanding restoration of their right to siphon off as much fuel as they like along the way.

The new government had decided that tankers can only steal up to 15% of the fuel, but the drivers said there was much more evaporation and the move contravened several international treaties that Nepal was signatory to, including the Convention on the Survival of the Fittest, The Right Is Might Treaty, as well as Articles 2, 6, 7, 9, 11 and 13 of the International Covenant on Economic Social and Cultural Rights of Petroleum Tankers with Elastic Morals.

Nepalis Migrating To the Moon

KATHMANDU – Ramesh Kumar Joshi has become the first Nepali to buy a plot of land on the moon, according to reliable sources at Facebook.

He got his deed certificate after sending $150 to a Nigerian middleman who had earlier offered prominent Nepalis a share of Emperor Bokassa’s hidden wealth.

Since land is becoming so scarce in Kathmandu, Joshi said he ventured boldly forth where no Nepali had gone before to build a housing colony on the moon for which he plans to recruit Nepali contract workers, and blast them off into space.

Joshi told this paper, “Conditions on the lunar surface are fairly similar to Gwarko: there is no water, it is full of craters and there is a lot of dust. So Nepalis will feel right at home.”