Amendments to Commandments

The fact that Nepalis lack self-esteem should not be seen as a liability. The Ass sees it as an asset.

We don’t have to wait for others to bad-mouth Nepal, we can do it ourselves. Imagine how dishonest of us it would be to have to extoll our country’s virtues when there aren’t many.

But sometimes, Nepal does not seem to be such a bad place after all. The weather is salubrious, there are tons of holidays, and Nepal is posting 4% growth this year — which means everything will grow: the deficit, the concentration of particles below ten microns at Tin Kunay, and the Minister of Animal Husbandry and Midwifery’s announcement that Nepal will be self-sufficient in bovine semen.

Why single out Comrade Janardan for refusing to divulge CCTV footage of a corporate fixer entering his office? The budget-making process is a secret, after all: so he has kept the video clip a secret too.

The FinMin was just emulating the January 6 hearings in the world’s most powerful democracy. Pentagon officials had deleted all incriminating text messages from eye witnesses to the insurrection at the Capitol from their phones.

For decades, Western powers have invested millions trying to strengthen the county’s democratic institutions, rule of law and accountability. That was money well spent because Nepal’s democracy has now attained the same degree of maturity as the UK and US.

The Brits now take months to find a new prime minister after a vote of no confidence, just like us. Kathmandu Airport’s luggage area is now as chaotic as Heathrow Terminal 5. And parts of the Tarai are now as hot as London.

Our political leadership is economical with the truth and peddles alternative facts just as much as their US counterparts. In fact, they put the American Bozo-in-Chief to shame.

Arriving in Tokyo uninvited by the Japanese government, Comrade Awesome expressed profound sorrow that he could not meet Shinzo Abe and re-establish his acquaintance with the former prime minister whom he had met twice in Kathmandu. He mixed it up with a dream he had.

In 2008, PKD boasted in a public meeting about hoodwinking the UN with inflated militia numbers. This man has shown how to get away with murder (as long as the victim is not tortured first).

Comrade Awesome often compares himself to the Buddha and Gandhi, both ‘peaceful revolutionaries’ like himself. We will let the Lord Buddha decide what PKD can do to attain nirvana, but the Great Leader is unquestionably a “Gun-dhi”.

As imbibers of Holy Wine, the leaders of the CPN (Moonie) strictly follow the Ten Commandments, some of which they have amended to read:

• Thou shalt not steal, unless it’s a bribe.
• Thou canst commit adultery if thou art a Speaker of the August House.
• Thou shalt kill as thou pleases, and retroactively amend the Transitional Justice Act by giving thyself full immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
• Remember the Sabbath, and cancel the Sunday holiday.
• Honour thy father and mother, and appoint thy brother-in-law ambassador to Australia.

Read also: Off-road signs, Ass