Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
The bottom line

ASS


The Ass-like Broadcasting Corp (ABC) has just received the transcript of the conversation between Comrade Awesome and Jhusilo Koirala at the Redisson Hotel during the height of the Maoist strike last week:

PKD: The prime minister has to resign first.
SK: No, you need to lift the
strike first.
PKD: No, we don't.
SK: Yes, you do.
PKD: No, we don't.
SK: Yes, you do.
[45 minutes later]
PKD: No, we don't.
SK: Yes, you do.
[Next day]
PKD: No, we don't.
SK: Yes, you do.
[Two days later]
PKD: You two have runny noses.
SK: No, we don't.

And that's as close as PKD got to forging a political consensus.

***

Can't really blame anyone. Our political nuttas are well-protected by a barrage of no-nos, as the following demonstrate:

BRB: "No CA extension until Maoists in government."
PKD: "No Maoist in government unless me PM."
MKN: "No resignation until integration."
JNK: "No integration until YCL disbanded."
RCP: "No talk until property returned."

***

At his Khole Munch speech, Comrade Stupendous was buoyed by the massive applause he got after every threat he uttered against Kathmandu's middle class. They applauded when he warned journalists and scribes that he was noting down everything they wrote so appropriate action could be taken. They applauded when he threatened the business community for daring to stage a peace rally. And when PKD said: "They even chanted hang Prachanda" the crowd burst into deafening applause. Hmmm …

The Ass was a little confused when he heard Maoist Amik Sherchan shout 'Hang Prachanda' and 'Prachanda Chor Desh Chhod' in parliament. Turns out he was listing all the unmentionables the peace rallyists came up with. This has helped Comrade Awesome set a new record. He is now the only leader of Nepal to have profanities against him registered in parliament's records. The Baddies never lose.

***

And things appear to be getting worse for Comrade Super- califragilisticexpialidocious. A post-mortem of the strike suggests that his position within the party has been further weakened, to the advantage of nemesis Comrade Red Flag, who was against the strike. Standing Committee members are now publicly hinting that the party could agree to an alternative candidate, and the Chairman even had to eat crow at a hastily organised gathering of professionals and pundits, where he unconvincingly pleaded that his tirade against Kathmandu's sukilo-mukilo had, in fact, only referred to one per cent of them. Anticipating a backlash, perhaps, the party leadership has figured out that the best way to keep cadres busy is to instruct them to start collecting data on all those who took part in the peace rally, and start figuring out how to liquidate (sorry, intimidate) them.

***

With all the hoo-haa about whose balls are in whose coat, it's about time we announced the Coat of the Week. And it goes to Baddie spokesperson Diner Art Charmer for this choice dinner-party fender bender: "What kind of a democracy is this when protesters are trying to infringe on our fundamental right to enforce bandas?"

ass(at)nepalitimes.com

READ MORE:
Revolutionary teachers - By Indu Nepal
Letting go - By Prashant Jha
Television politics - By CK LAL
Less revolting - By Kiran Nepal
Edging closer? - By Dewan Rai
Proximate breakthrough


1. Thurpunsich
The "sukilo-mukilo" people of Kathmandu have taken copious notes about how many rasilo-khashilo lunches and dinners have Pee Kiddie, Red Flad and their Moo Baddy comrades have enjoyed at "Red"isson and Wak & Chheti.

People will keep watching if Moo Baddies will stick to solid food and get solid support from their Yai Shyal-Bhedas or indulge in liquid lunch and face liquidation from the restive public.


2. Shoe.Kilo
day day day Democracy.....
buy the people..... fool the people..... n tool the people....
economy shresthacharya ko go.laugh......
aakha bhari baaf....
besari hase world will be two half......
lee.door ko galti saaab maaf.....
janta ko talk.leaf in press ko winDOW....
chocolate camera  toad.. ford.....
tears are frozen and laugh's lost in Gum.Bhir farewell.....
all inn try.ball song.....
hasda hasdai bhayecha gu.laugh ko kada.....
halka shame luckta hai.....
jpt buckta hai.....
Shoe.kilo Jointist.....
Commercial Scientist.....
Happily poor at the moment....
Let's see what future brings.....
Permanent change.... Permanent peace....
Behaviour manang manang chang....
Wheels Ying Yang... Handle cell.fish....
Eye.... guess....
getting late for sum(B)dhan
ra ra ra ra write...




3. Gore
Satamari bhabedh Baidya. (one becomes a perfect baidhya(physician) only after killing 100 patients So the balls are in the pant of Comrade Mohan Baidhya Kiran. ,who happens to be the real kink-pin,but remains in low key. Is,nt it fellow comrades.?

4. Shoe.gram
@#2
forgot to mention, actually got 'no' pay'sha....
to buy the people.....
can we let's go boy the people.....
virtual victim as everyone....
reality clean....
mass.age cleaned all the garb.age.....
all journalist's going pressing clean.....
hide the sheet..... @ media....
may.bee.diya
lee.berty
the beakar freedom....
catch the fighters, before you catch the writer....
mee..son...... peace....
forgot the laugh...... just seriously remembering tears.....
got elephant ears.... seriously hanging on the street 7... 7th Hinge
kathmandu ...... kop.plan.du.......
with little light.... ice.coffeee at tea.shirt......
may.mori full.......
let's resign... upwards....
up.tea.... up.tea.....
if we call we..... we shud beee safe.......
son's.car.... in day.star.....
seems's little bog' gam'lin.....
Gootom Boooda needs.... respect....
eye nose...... yoga....
breathing 884ate.........
alive everyday.....
ra ra ra ra run......
mauri ko 'maha'
handi.plast in thumb....
little lok in air.book.sing.......
just need a wild rain.......
my tree.bute to.......
thunder TANGO......
luckey..... sun.....
luckey.... moon.....
can sahamati beee MOONSOON.....
bee.haar ..... ka     beee...jeet.....
lost betweeen    sewa n' shanti.....
Ba' ko ma'no'can.tea......
Ma' ko aaa.sir.good....
name.ass.car..... or .......name.oscar  
tooo Dear nepal....
dalle.kada......    ho ki'      ......football.flower
gu..laugh ko' patra.....
end of naaa.talk
ha ha ha sai.lens.... camera.....
chyangra... pangra..... @ petrol.tea.jam....
talk little, duster in calk....
still using old win.those......
let's use new.win.dow......
A  bee   B   lable at all.tarr.native......
the.mug tamang.... her.art gurung....
Hong.loose.... in bell.button.....
actually got no kilo @ shoe.....
running around in chap.all.....
kura....beep...preet.....
open meet......
don't plan my meat.....
yam.in.yam....
knought.off.read..... of   read.... and write.....
moun.... bhashan.....
dear..... pra.sha.sun....
what to do'....
we're all pour and bright.....
errorist......
name.changed.... permanently.....
low.toss...... on   bob.who.ram.....
forgive all letters....
rai.ting's full of sheet... open....
pap's all  knock..lee.....
on.bee.live.able rights......
give.workeen.environment.......
let's dev.loop.... the nay..son....
@  yes.mann.do.....
no' talk.leaf....
live... leaf....



5. never mind
Ass for president, it makes sense, some parts of the character would not be presidential, but the who really gives a fhit.

6. jange
# 4 If Ass is made president we donkeys will object, create a revolution and capture state power. We donkeys have been exploited by the Asses for too long. We demand that this historical injustice  be corrected.


7. Slarti
#6, I endorse the view and propose that the ass be flogged for all his faults that we imagined he has committed, and be asked to confess of crimes that he has not so far committed. He must then recant his asinine beliefs and still be made president - for future revolutionary purposes and, fun-filled flogging opportunities.

8. Never mind
I would be careful with the endorsements, the problem with a political joke is that they often get elected. Not that ass would be a bad choice, he will be proof of the adage - Man by nature is a political animal, i.e., an ass.

9. Sargam
It is said behind every great man there is his wife. If you folks are meant to make Ass' the next president, you must first take permission from his wife. Because as it goes the adage, if the country is ruled by the president, the president is ruled by his wife. In conclusion, the country will be ruled by his wife.

That's the pure logic. And Jhilke uwacha: "Pan khayo mukh rato!"


10. jange
# 9. Careful with the gender implications of the first sentence. I think it is a politically incorrect, insensitive and thoroughly pratigami statement.

Behind every great man there could also be his husband.


11. Sargam
Didn't know that # jange enjoys gnat's piss! We're oft caught unawares!!

For your last tirade to take place, we gotta still wait for some decades, as they might go soft for either gender or not!!!

Doodad-diddle-doodle!?!


12. jange
# 11 What is gnat's piss?


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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