Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Nepal’s first republican emperor

ASS


Given the tectonic forces pushing the Indian landmass relentlessly from the south and the Eurasian continent squeezing us from the north, it is easy to understand why Comrade Prithbi Narayan the Great likened Nepal to "a sweet potato between a rock and a hard place".

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It is geology that pushed Mt Everest to its present height but it is geopolitics that is making the Chinese really antsy about Tibetans using the Olympics to get into the news. Now comes word that the highway built to Sagarmatha base camp on the Rongbuk side won't be used for a while because no expeditions will be allowed on the north face till 10 May.

Not just that, the Chinese have leaned on us not to allow expeditions from the south side either till that time. That is why there are only four expeditions from the Khumbu this spring compared to 25 last year. Can understand why they're worried. Wouldn't want any pro-Dalai Lama demos on the summit just as the Olympic torch being carried up the northeast ridge is being beamed live to the world now, would we?

The real question the Ass has is how they are going to keep the Olympic torch from being blown out by the jet stream up there at 8,848m.

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From the land of a dead Mao to the land where Mao is alive and kicking came Chinese vice minister of foreign affairs HeYafei. He met our Supreme Commando and apparently told him in comradely fashion that he shouldn't be using the Great Helmsman's name in vain because it was tarnishing Mao's name.

After all, the CPN-M is no longer strictly speaking a Maoist party but a Stalinist one.

Actually the Maoists should rename their party CPN-L since they have now abandoned Maoism to adhere to Leninist traits. Hearing the First Emperor of a Republican Nepal go on about "capturing" power and "taking over" if his party loses the constituent assembly elections must remind people of Vladimir Ilyich and how he staged a military coup when the Bolsheviks lost the constituent assembly elections in Russia 90 years ago. Which must be why the building that houses the Maoist unions at Tin Kune is called Lenin Bhaban.

As elections approach, cash-starved politicians are indulging in all-party extortion. A phone call from a prominent politician these days can only mean one thing: "You scratch my backside, I'll scratch yours." The only difference with the Maoists is that when they come by these days and ask you for "one" they mean "one karod" and not "one lakh" as one businessman found out to his chagrin last week.

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Seeing Comrade Makunay erasing Maoist election slogans in Rautahat this week is proof that the Election Commission's Code of Conduct is being enforced strictly. And after the Ass' expose last week about dummy candidates, even the Fearsome One has withdrawn the 17 fake candidates his party put up in Constituency #10. Yes, given the way he is cracking the whip on the party leadership Bhojraj Pokhrel is wasted in the Election Commission. Bhojrajji for President!

He got ministers to agree not to use white plate vehicles for election campaigning. Now, how about yanking in political parties using ministries under their command as recruitment centres? Comrade Yummy, any particular reason your sis and bro now have jobs in your ministry?

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Young commies in tracksuits beat up a UML cadre in Ramechhap so badly he had to be helicoptered out. Surya Bahadur Thapa's election entourage in Dhankuta, was attacked and warned not to come back unless he wanted a hasty departure to kingdom come. Why is the YCL is trying its level best to sabotage its parent party from winning this election?

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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